10 steps to getting a toddler to sleep in their bed:

There are so many places to get advice right now. Many are contradicting, they seem straight forward, simple and sure to work. I’ve used this method for about 6 months now and it’s going really well for me. Have any of you heard of it before? It’s called reality.

  1. Start by drinking a glass of red wine; this will ease the pain that is sure to come.
  2. Stick to your routine; no you can’t take that paw patrol into the tub….okay fine just this one time. You’re going to stand up like a big kid and brush your teeth; oh you’re going to throw a fit instead? Fine.
  3. Line up all of their favourite stuffies, and start pretending to put them to sleep. Do this 100 times over as your toddler throws them all around the room and yells WAKE UP.
  4. Read a bunch of books you’ve memorized by now, and say this is the last one a couple times.
  5. Turn off the lights, pat your toddler on the back while saying “It’s time for sleep now”, kiss them gently on the cheek, and walk away slowly, glancing ever so lovingly at the door. Just kidding. But try it?
  6. Crawl into your toddler’s tiny bed because they’ve been screaming for you, and you’re bloody tired. Pass out immediately.
  7. Once your toddler is asleep, you hold your breath longer than you could if you were swimming, crawl out of bed and as gracefully as a ballerina tip toe out of their room.
  8. Proceed downstairs where you watch a movie with the remote in your hand so you can adjust the volume every 5 seconds, eventually reverting to reading subtitles. You don’t move, don’t eat, don’t do anything for fear of waking up the sleeping angel.
  9. Go upstairs to bed, recite the sleeping routine to your partner in the chance your child wakes up during the night, and pledge that you’re going to stick to it starting tonight.
  10. Child wakes up screaming. Keep your eyes closed. Sleep walk over to their bed. Proceed to fall asleep; your child falls asleep immediately for the rest of the night. In the morning your sciatica will be aching, but your child had a peaceful sleep.

It really is that easy.

With Love,


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