this past weekend i went to my first baby shower as a mom- and boy are they different. This time I was more tuned into what other moms were talking about, as I wanted to hear about their experiences at different stages, what I could look out for or to see if anyone had similar experiences as me and we could connect on that level. Fortunately for me there were a bunch of moms will all different aged babies to toddlers and multiple kids. I didn’t know anyone at the shower, besides the mama to be, so a quick way for me to connect and strike up a conversation was with moms who had younger babes. Throughout the day I noticed way more than I think I would have if I didn’t have a child. Here are some things I learned:
- Everyone has an opinion. That’s the greatness of the world. That’s what keeps us diverse, exciting and creates conversation- but sometimes I think we need to take a quick second and debate in our head if what we’re about to say needs to be said. We all had pieces of advice or words of ‘wisdom’ to share with our friend, but then I stopped sharing and started listening. It was overwhelming. Everyone wanted to tell her what her birthing experience was going to be, baffled at other ideas or concerned if the path she was choosing was different. Now, like I said, I was only tuned into this because at first I was listening for myself to see if there were any tricks I could nab, so I’m hoping maybe our mom to be didn’t notice the large amount of friendly ‘advice’ she was receiving. To all of us, I know that we’re excited, hell I’m writing a blog dedicated to my excitement, but before we always exercise our right to share all of our new parental goodies, maybe listen to if someone has asked. Listen, Listen, Listen.
- Now talking about babies to moms that have babies in a way to connect- is a whole other thing. It’s such an easy ground to open up about and I have been finding that women (and maybe dads, I just haven’t met any new fathers yet) are very comfortable talking about things that before their baby would normally be an awkward topic of conversation. Boobs, Poop, Sleep, Relationships etc. are topics that with people you just met probably wouldn’t be the first suggested topics. But a mom to a mom it just pops right out.
- This is the point I want to highlight and write everything in bold & caps in (I won’t but you can imagine that importance). Once someone found out I had a baby, they would ask where he was (as I didn’t bring Lincoln) and I replied that he was with Zack. Normally it wouldn’t turn into much other than that, but 3 times the words that came to me after I said he has with Zack really astonished me “oh is your husband watching him?” The first two times it came so fast that I think I weirdly laughed or might have even said yes, but the last time I said back- No, my husband is hanging out with our baby. He works during the week and I’m with Lincoln monday-friday, so weekends are really valuable to him to be able to spend time with our son. The sweet woman was a little taken back and said you know what that’s so great, you just don’t hear that a lot (about the dads). I don’t know if this is true, but what I bet is true is we do what I did the first two times, don’t correct the wording, laugh awkwardly or just not even notice. Let’s give some love to the dads, spouses, partners, care givers- whomever loves your baby just as much as you do. I know that sometimes I’m jealous about his #freetime, but as soon as he walks through the door he is 150% committed.
so give it up for the late night diaper changers, the ones who relieve the stress, the really cold winter walker so that our baby breathes fresh air, the ones walking through the door with open arms to get a sweet hug and in some cases the ones who just wanted to hang out after the bath even though you warned them that new baby wasn’t wearing a diaper.