real world.

so… what do you do all day? Obviously I look like this:

just joking. I have a bunch of friends who are newly pregnant- which is wonderful news- and I’m sure you’re all going to be way more ‘with it’ than I am. But it had me thinking, I wonder if people know the real thoughts that go through my mind everyday. Well obviously they don’t know what’s going through my mind… that would be a super power. But what do we do, whats a day on parental leave like, surely it’s just coffee dates with your friends, shopping sprees (with all that sexy EI money I’m raking in) and prepared dinners every night. So here you are, a day of thoughts.

6am– “Just 5 more minutes Lincoln, you can do it today…” like clockwork he wakes up at 6am every morning, no matter what time he goes to bed. And every morning when I start hearing little chirps in the monitor and I glance with one eye half open just hoping he’ll drift back to sleep. It hasn’t happened yet. Zack and I are both up, one of us gets Lincoln, changes him, gets him dressed while the other usually makes our bed and scurries downstairs to start the kettle.

6:15am– Lincoln is probably screaming for his bottle, and I’m screaming for coffee. I definitely still only have one eye half open. Lincoln downs his bottle in about 4 minutes, he can now hold his bottle on his own which allows me the perfect amount of morning instagram time. Whoever isn’t feeding Linc makes breakfast, and we all sit down to eat together. Lincoln has some sips of our smoothies now and it’s a really cute 20 minutes. As it gets closer to 7am I’m on my second cup of coffee, looking at the time, knowing Zack is leaving in about 15 minutes and I have to put on my big girl pants. I actually need to wake up and start taking care of our child. I’m also just waiting for Lincoln to give me his scream of get me out of this high chair. And just like the morning I pray for a couple more minutes of him being content in his seat so I can just sit.

7:45am– he goes down for his first nap, and this is really the start of the day. This gives me about 45 minutes to get ready. The first thoughts start when I’m in the bathroom. I’m usually still in my robe and when I’m taking a tinkle I look down and realize how badly I need a pedicure. I have been thinking that for months and haven’t gotten one, but I honestly think that everyday. I also usually think, “woof, my legs are hairy- need to take care of that.” #truth Then I check emails, get back to wedding clients, organize anything that needs to be taken care of and make sure my to do list is ready to go.

9:30am– we always have a class in the morning. Cyclone, Canada Games Center & On the Mat. Lincoln loves the attention he gets and it usually wears him out. My thoughts are always the same at some point during class “will my bladder ever heal?, and when will I stop peeing my pants when I do jumping jacks?”

11:30am– my next attempt to shower or change out of gym clothes. I put him in his crib and constantly run in and out of his room ensuring I keep spinning his mobile so it never stops. The second is stops he isn’t interested and I’m trying to stop sweating and change, but I’m again just hoping this mobile keeps him entertained for a couple more minutes.

Between 1:00-4:00 is more often than not a blur. It consists of so many embarrassing sounds, dances & songs. I literally do anything to keep Lincoln happy. Everything I’m doing, every bite I take, I’m talking out loud; pretty much to myself, but I pretend Lincoln is interested. I call him by one of the hundred nicknames we have, currently it’s Birdo and the song is birdo birdo tweet tweet tweet, birdo birdo tweet…. it make absolutely no sense. I turn on music and give him the most egregious parent dance moves I can come up with. They involve lots of clapping, hip thrusting, eager snapping and probably a LOT of two step. I make so many faces at him, everything is extremely exaggerated and then with my already outlandish personality it’s exaggerated even more so. I wonder if I’m actually scaring him. we also play with snap chat a lot (sorry friends!)

I was at costco and was doing my usual with Lincoln and completely forgot I was in public. I was wheeling around the cart with him, singing songs and blowing spit bubbles out of my mouth, awko taco. Babies also like their feet played with… I chew (nibble..?) on his feet about 10 times a day. There is also a fun game called “where is the poo smell coming from?” when it’s not his butt. Is it in my hair, on my hand, in the carseat, on his foot… where could it be?

4:30pm comes around and Zack is home from work (if he’s not on time these minutes literally feel like hours) and I’m not exhausted of Lincoln but I’m very much looking forward to another set of hands or a real human to talk to. More importantly our ‘birdo birdo song’ is much better as a harmony.

6:30pm is bedtime! sweet surrender. I spend half of this time staring at his monitor, hoping this stops sometime- I kind of feel creepy. And I definitely catch up on reality tv. Oh and I get super excited to have a shower that lasts more than 3 minutes (this is when I run in and out of his room spinning the mobile). oh and wine. wine, wine, wine, wine, wine (sing it to the Rhianna-work tune; that’s what’s happening in my head right now.)

.a day in the life.