Holy shit. I missed writing on here. It took me about 15 minutes to log on because I forgot my password, even what email address was linked to this blog, and I just realized my Instagram link isn’t working either – so it’s pretty obvious I haven’t been on here in a hot minute.
I have a lot of things to share; and I’m going to start with the big one. I’ve talked about it many times before; even wrote a post about it, and now I’m here to say I’m on the either side… well that’s the way it looks I’m sure. We’re having another child. We’re having a baby. I’m having a second child.
Let’s just back up here — I was the teenager that said I never wanted kids in the first place. I never babysat, never had any young kids around me, I just wanted to be a fun aunt. Well then I met Zack, got married and wanted to bring a child into our lives. It was wild and I had hundreds, maybe thousands of ups and downs, and I’ve been very honest about it. Motherhood did not come naturally to me, I went back to work in less than 6 months (for Canadians that’s very short!) and I constantly missed my old life of being able to hit the gym when I wanted, go out to dinner, or grab a drink with friends. I couldn’t fathom a second child; even though I knew Lincoln would be the best big brother. Most of my friends who had their first after me, were already having their second and looked like the happiest people ever. I was still in this ‘oh shit will this ever get easier’ stage. When Lincoln turned 3, I finally felt it. I felt that all around motherly bond. Zack took a long trip away from home and in those months Lincoln and I found something we didn’t have before, we had a different relationship and we relied on each other. (He turned 3 about three months ago so this is all new). When Zack came home we had ONE talk, just one, where we both said – I think we could bring another child into this world. And then we stopped. Just saying that got too real, we started going into logistics and all that nonsense and it went right back to “that would be very overwhelming”.
Well sometimes it just takes one talk, and truthfully it felt like we blinked and were pregnant. And you know what; that worked better for me. We didn’t contemplate, fortunately didn’t have to try month over month continuing to have the back and forth thoughts — instead it chose us almost. It’s like this baby was waiting and saying “okay I’m here and I’m ready – when you give me the go ahead I’m in.” So yes we decided to have another baby, and in some essence it was a surprise in how quickly it happened. It definitely wasn’t expected and I don’t know what the end would have been if we had to try multiple times. I might have talked myself out of it, or maybe not. We might have waited another year, and maybe not. So I’m still in a little bit of freak out stage.
The most common question I get is; are you excited? And I’ve never answered yes right off the bat. I feel like it’s settled in now; I’m 4 months, so I’m also feeling better which helps. I still have the running thoughts of how are we going to make our schedules work, we need to redo so many rooms in our house, the baby stuff we sold we have to buy again, what did I learn the first time etc. so it’s definitely not all magical over here. I’m not in the beautiful “I’m creating life” phase (which I’ll likely never get to) and that’s just me. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful but I do think it’s important to share real thoughts because these platforms are filled with too much fake news.
I’ve asked so many people how they knew they were ready for #2; so I’ll share my answer. I don’t think we thought we were ready, I don’t know if we are ready, but if you have ONE thought about having a baby (and you’re a stable person who is the type of person who should bring another child into the world) then I’d say go for it. And you know I’ll be sharing all of the things to come – so get ready; I’m making a writing comeback.