Before I start going into topics; I thought I should write down some realities that have set in. Anytime I’ve shared something truly honest, someone has reached out to say that they’re in the same boat – and that’s what this is all about.
Going into the last couple months of pregnancy with Lennox I had the same pre-partum anxiousness as I had with Linc, but I was also too busy to let my mind take a hold of it this time. We carried on and as I was off work and as my due date passed I just knew this lady was going to make an entrance on my birthday; and that she did. Fast forward the crazy labour stuff a few days and we were home. And then some of the oh shit moments came creeping in – we were just in the ‘easy’ phase with Lincoln. The age where he’s quite independent, no diapers, no naps, no different foods, all the adventures and now we just went back in time. I went back to that phase of sleep deprivation, complete loss of my body, mental and emotional exhaustion and to top it off; we’re one on one parenting now. What have we done?? I’m not saying we made a mistake, but I do think it’s okay to have these feelings of confusion and uncertainty.
I would never imagine I would get an ‘easy’ baby, one that sleeps well or is just a ‘happy baby’ as many say – Lennox is only two weeks and is full on. Bouts of colic every.single.day. that make me want to pull out every hair on my head- scream crying for 3-4 hour stints with no break, eating and then puking because eating is the only thing that calms her down, pooping and farting 12 x/day, hating the car seat, refuses a soother – all those calming techniques we know about just thrown to the waste side. So now I have a drink during the day #noshame to help calm me down. I pop a headache pill every morning because the screaming has hit my brain so hard I can’t handle it without.
So if you’ve followed me or know me; you may be thinking- she always only wanted one kid; I wonder how two is feeling. Well it’s only been two weeks so I’m going to save those thoughts for another post, but trust me, it’s on my mind to talk about.
So for now, I’m just sitting in this weird phase of going between loving newborn snuggles and having some time off my regular work life, to complete exhaustion and confusion about why we did this again and trying to not be frustrated at Lennox. It’s a sweet parenting dance between the two. There is no advice or answer in this post; but if anything you may find some solidarity. I’m here for ya!